Sisters

I sit here writing this at 1:20 am!! I couldn't sleep, I just keep thinking about stuff....First of all I just keep thinking about how much I miss my sisters. I have three younger sisters who I would consider all of them to be my best friends and right now I seriously want to cry I miss them so much (they all live on the east coast). I am really struggling with a lot of things inside of me right now, that I know I don't let anyone know about. I just keep all this crap built up inside of me, because I haven't let anyone close enough to me to let it out and right now at this moment I need my sisters to talk to and cry with because I need to let stuff out!! For most of my life I have been living close to my sisters and they were the ones I went to when I needed stuff and I never really put myself out there to any other people to get close enought to talk about the crap, to feel vulnerable with others, because they might not love and care about me like I KNOW my sisters do. So I become friends with people, but I don't let myself become to close because I'm afraid of getting hurt, but I am beginning to realize that I am hurting myself by not forming those close friendships and feeling like I can be myself and put myself out there and my friends will still love me.

I have realized the last little bit here that I want to form close "sister" friendships with girls here. I am reaching out and asking that you all pray for me that I can do that. I LONG for those close friendships.

The other night some of us girls got together for a cookie exchange and as we were sitting on the floor I asked Crysti if I could lay my head on her knee because I missed my sisters and we are always cuddling up and hugging each other. And she let me and I really at that moment I just wanted to cry because she let me be her "sister". Thank you for that Crysti, you really don't know how much that meant to me.

There I did it, I put myself out there a little bit.