Monday, October 6, 2008
Trying to refocus
I have decided (I've know for a while, but just haven't done it) that I need to refocus. I have been very out of sorts with most of the stuff in my life for a few months now. I just have been feeling frustrated, quick to anger, impatience, feeling sorry for myself and so on. I just have not felt like dealing with it or going to the source (God) to get me through this. I just sit in my self pity and whine to myself. Most of the time I want to be totally alone...I feel like I could just live in a little hut in the middle of nowhere and be fine. Although, I know that isn't true, it's how I feel at the moment. I wasn't looking forward to small groups starting and we are leaders and hosting. I am hoping that doing this come thirsty study will help, I need to immerse myself in the word of God, but right now it feels like more of a chore than anything. I know that I am laying myself bare right now, but I don't want sympathy I need a kick in the butt. I feel like I have so much stuff just pent up inside of me I seriously don't know how much more I can store in there before I will explode! I seriously need a time to just go off completely alone and pray and cry and yell. Please pray with me as I try and refocus myself on God.
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3 comments:
Loving the honesty...your Bible verse of the day on the side hit the heart of what you expressed.
Hebrews 12:2
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith
He's the author and perfecter...that means it's not on you to strive in your faith more (take it from me the striver had to learn that striving isn't what it's about rather resting by ceasing self sufficiency") And yes, I know you needed a kick in the butt and here I'm telling you to rest. But rest isn't rest like watch TV. It's rest like Cry Out because you can't do it on your own. Try it, I'm still learning...but we are all on this journey together.
My tip from personal experience: Lay on your face or on your knees and pray. (Hide in the bathroom or in your bedroom) No need to say anything eloquent, "help God!" works just fine. ...worked for me in my desperate times. I got your back girl!
I love you my buddy friend. Your honesty is so cool.
I'm reading through "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" and it is pretty interesting to me. More about waiting than doing. Although I feel like half the time I'm busy doing and half the time I'm major lazy.
Anyway, you let me know if I can keep those boys so you can have alone time. Or if we need to ditch the kids to have some deep time together. Either one works for me.
And thanks for the zoo today - I needed that!
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